I Really Am
by moonrainer
Summary: Albus's coming-out practice takes a turn.


**A/N** All the characters and places you recognise here are based on J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. The story below, however, is entirely my own.

 **Written for**  
The Room of Requirement's _Pop a Balloon Challenge_ (Rainbow Balloon: homosexual / "I'm gay" / colours of the rainbow)  
The Golden Snitch's _Pride Month Challenge_ (emotion: surprise)

* * *

"I'm gay."

Albus frowned at himself in the mirror. He'd said this so many times already that the words had lost their meaning. Still, he felt like he couldn't quite get the tone right.

"I'm … gay!"

It sounded strange, not the way he wanted it to. But _how_ did he want it to sound exactly?

" _I'm_ gay? I _am_ gay. I'm gaaaaay."

No, this wasn't it either. Frustrated, he ruffled his jet-black hair. Why was this so difficult? He'd assumed that coming out wouldn't be an easy feat, but he hadn't expected to encounter problems this early on in the process.

Why couldn't it be a bit easier? After all, he wasn't doubting his sexuality. Albus was sure he was gay; he'd admitted it to himself many moons ago, but this was the first time he was actually trying to get it _out there_ , his first time trying to be loud and proud. He just needed to make it sound right.

"I. Am. Gay."

Suddenly, an explosion of bright-coloured light flooded the room. Startled, Albus turned around, only to find his cousin Rose leaning against the doorframe, gently waving her wand out of which she seemed to be shooting a rainbow. She was beaming from ear to ear.

"Congratulations, Albus!"

Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. She'd heard him. She'd heard him, and he hadn't been ready yet. He'd have needed more time! This was all wrong.

"Don't worry, I haven't been spying on you or anything!" she quickly assured him, picking up on his embarrassment. "I literally just walked in when you came out to your mirror."

"Yeah, well, I've been coming out to my mirror for the past half hour, so…" Albus shuffled his feet, avoiding her gaze. He didn't know what else he could say.

When he'd imagined coming out to someone in one of his many daydreams, he'd always been confident and straight-forward. Not like this, unsure of himself, imperfect. He felt betrayed. He'd wanted to wait for the right moment, the moment when he'd have been sure that he could say what he wanted to say exactly how he wanted to say it.

"Hey, I'm sorry for bursting in on you like this." Rose stepped into the room, her face sympathetic, undoubtedly noticing Albus's chagrin. "I didn't mean to. But I didn't want to pretend like I didn't hear you either. That would've been even weirder." She smiled reassuringly. "I won't tell anyone. I promise."

Albus nodded. No use crying over spilled milk, after all. "'S okay," he said, though he couldn't suppress a sigh. "But next time, maybe knock."

Letting out a little laugh of relief, Rose punched his shoulder. "Well, next time, mister, maybe close your door!

* * *

"So… You're into guys then."

The two of them were lying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling onto which Rose now projected her rainbow spell.

 _No, just one guy_ , Albus thought to himself, but hummed in agreement. His heart beat a little faster thinking about him, this beautiful, kind, charming boy.

"Since when have you known?" Rose asked. Albus couldn't help but feel touched by her genuine interest.

"For quite a while, actually. I wasn't really sure at first, because I've fancied a girl before." He shuddered at that memory and quickly moved on. "But it became more and more … obvious to me, as time went on. Now I'm certain it's not just a phase. I really feel that way. This is me."

Rose squeezed his hand. "I'm just happy you've found your identity. And that you're comfortable with it." They both marvelled at the rainbow lights in silence. After a little while, Rose added, "You know we all love you, right? No matter what."

"I know," he said, meaning it. Albus felt warm thinking about his family. He couldn't be more grateful for them. Rose was right: They were there for him and would always stand by his side. No matter what.

That was why he'd wanted to tell them in the first place. Albus longed to share this important part of himself with the people who mattered most to him. And all of a sudden, he realised that it didn't matter how he came out to them; the only important thing was that he did. It didn't matter if it wasn't perfect. It was simple: He loved them, and he wanted to let them know who he really was.

This new-found revelation wrapped itself tightly around his heart, making him stronger. Smiling up at the ceiling, he realised that failure was impossible. He could do this. He would do this.

"I'm gay," he said again. And that was it.

* * *

 **A/N** Thanks for reading this little experiment of mine. It's my contribution to Pride month (June 2018), and I very much enjoyed writing it. Initially, I wanted to keep it short (i.e. under 400 words), but let's be real: I think I'm just not capable of writing brief fics. I have to let the characters breathe!

Before someone hits me with the inevitable "But underage magic is not allowed outside of Hogwarts!" regarding Rose's light spell: I imagine that this scene might have taken place when both of them were already over 17, because why not? ;) Apart from that, any other questions and comments are, as always, greatly appreciated!


End file.
